


The Consequences of a Death List

by orphan_account



Category: Yes Minister
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-18
Updated: 2012-03-18
Packaged: 2018-12-03 17:39:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11537160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: After a few months, Jim finds out that he was never on a death list. How will he react?





	The Consequences of a Death List

"Oh Anthony!" He exclaimed as he saw the chief editor of the Guardian sipping his scotch with a book in his hands.

"Jim, how nice to see you." The other man smiled and told the Minister to sit. "So, how is life in the DAA?"

"A bit hard with you people always bothering me, really Tony there was no necessity for that article on the number of public servants, I mean isn't the public a bit tired of that?"

Anthony laughed. "Oh come on Jim, you've been in my position before. You know perfectly well that we shouldn't let opportunities like that get away. I had a good source and it made a good story. And the public is always happy when someone comes up and complains about the Civil Service…"

"Well that makes two of us." Jim muttered drinking the contents of his glass and asking for another.

"Is Sir Humphrey Appleby giving you trouble?" He asked with a smirk.

Jim sighed. "Is this confidential or you're about to quote me?"

"Oh Jim, we're not the Sun. Of course I'm not quoting you, we're old friends."

Hacker looked a little doubtful but they were old chums indeed and in any case, Tony would need permission to quote him. "Well," He started to say, "It's not easy you know? He's so very cunning and keeps blocking me. I always get the feeling that I'm just one more minister that he has to deal with. He treats me as if I was an inconsequent child. It's most unbecoming really."

Tony bit down his lip before putting his glass aside. "Well, he is certainly smart but you can't be naïve"

"He's not just smart, he's a little genius. Normal people have one ulterior motive, Humphrey has at least 50. He got a first at Oxford did you know that? Has been invited to be chairman of countless administrations and Dean of some of college at Oxford…you went to Oxford, Tony haven't you?"

The other man confirmed. "Yes,"

"And you are about his age? Did you remember him?"

"Oh yes, I remember him." Tony said with a little irony in his voice. "Though he wasn't in my college. I was a Hertford man, he was in Baillie. But he was well known. A brilliant student I was told. The professors adored him. And within a year or two he had connections with the Union and even the Board."

Jim snorted. "So he's been like this since he wore diapers, how comforting."

There was a small silence before Jim returned to his idea. "I feel I'm being played by him every time."

"What was that story," Anthony asked, remembering something and changing the subject slightly, "About you being on a death list? Was that true or was it one of his inventions?"

Jim stopped talking. "His inventions? How could have been his inventions?"

Anthony raised his eyebrows. "Well I don't know…you changed your mind about the bugging equipment restrictions didn't you? He got what he wanted…I mean, I bet Sir Humphrey wasn't exactly smiling upon the idea of having safeguards added to Civil Servant's actions was he?"

Jim opened his mouth to answer but no sound came out. The idea had never crossed his mind. That Sir Humphrey could be able to wrong him in such way, to scare him and his family merely out of an administrative issue was terrifying. It was unconceivable. Humphrey wouldn't do that. Yes he was ruthless but he had some scruples. He had to have. One thing, Jim reasoned, was politics, was government, other thing was the concrete lives of people. His life. Annie's life. Humphrey wouldn't play with that with such frivolity…would he?

"Y-yes…but Sir Humphrey wouldn't do that."

Anthony's eyebrows raised a little bit more. "Wouldn't he?"

"No!" His first instinct was to strongly deny. But this was just like official denials. Only then people would believe it. "I mean…I think not…he wouldn't, I mean that's a dangerous play. I genuinely thought my life was in danger! Annie was frightened even Lucy…He wouldn't."

Anthony nodded. "Alright Jim, there's no need to be so nervous. You know him better than me after all."

 Yes, but did he? Jim now wondered. His mind seemed to burst, there was a turmoil of questions unanswered some of them made him very uncomfortable, distressed even. There was a touch of irrationality that Jim didn't care for. For the possibility that Humphrey had really done such a thing, awoke in the Minister a deep pain that he didn't know it was there in the first place.

 

"Good morning, Minister," Bernard said with his customary smile. Was this man never upset, Jim wondered.

"Good Morning Bernard." He replied while George brought the red boxes in. Jim sat and took off an aspirin and requested a glass of water. Bernard frowned a little but brought it to him immediately and stared at his Minister with some concern. He had to go to the House of Commons later that day: it wouldn't profit him if he were to go with a hangover.

"Are you feeling alright, sir?" He asked tactfully.

No, of course he wasn't. He had a dreadfully night sleep. He couldn't sleep actually. He hadn't stopped thinking about Humphrey and the possibility that he had arranged everything in order to scare him off and make him back down on his decision. And the more the thought the more it made sense to him: he remembered, or tried to, every single detail of his conversations with Humphrey during those days. He tried to remember his Permanent Secretary's gestures, his quirks, his smirks. And the more he thought of it the more he was convinced that Anthony's suggestion was spot on.

That Humphrey had really maneuvered him to believe that there was a threat, probably with the connivance of the Home Secretary and of someone in the MI5. And thus making him retreat his proposal.

"Minister?" Came again Bernard's voice.

"Yes?"

"Ah…I was talking about your lunch with the Mr. Stanford of the trade union…"

"No, cancel it."

"Pardon? Cancel it?"

"No. Yes."

"Yes? No?"

"Yes, cancel it."

"But are you sure Minister? It has been cancelled twice already."

"Well, he won't put up a strike if I cancel a third will he now?" Jim muttered. "Just do that for me Bernard, tell him something urgent has come up and I will make it up for him when I can, please. Now, if you please Bernard I do have lots of work to get on with."

But obviously he didn't get much done. He even thought about ditching the House of Commons but after some consideration he just knew he couldn't do that. The PM would kill him on the spot. Or send him to the Lords, either of the two were bad.

He hadn't seen Humphrey all day. Several times he had been tempted to call him up but always decided against it. Only when he was on his way to the commons he realized how stupid he was being. It was Humphrey who should be afraid, who should be embarrassed. Not him. He was the victim.

So when he got to the Commons he turned to Bernard. "I'm sorry Bernard, but I need you to return to the DAA."

The Principal Secretary's eyes widened a little "What for, Minister?"

"I need Sir Humphrey here. There is something very urgent I have to discuss with him. And I don't care what he says, if he has opera, or cricket or a dinner with the cabinet secretary. I want him here without arguments. If he doesn't come I swear to God, I'll make sure he never receives another honour in his life."

Bernard was now agape staring at his minister. "M…"

"Do it." Hacker whispered almost dangerously and he started to sound like that time a few months ago, when he broke the pencil because of the Hospital that had no doctors. Bernard was even beginning to question the Minister's soundness. But of course, he had no other alternative than take a taxi and return to the DAA where he found Sir Humphrey preparing to leave, placing his belongings inside his briefcase.

He coughed a little and Sir Humphrey noticed him and frowned. "What are you doing here, Bernard? I thought you had gone with the Minister." There was a slight tone of reproach in his voice.

"And I did, Sir Humphrey but he sent me back."

"And you came?" His boss asked with raised eyebrows. "The Minister shouldn't be left alone on the House of Commons. God knows what he might say."

"It's not it, Sir Humphrey." Bernard advanced. "He is very…upset about something. In the second we arrived to Westminster he told me to come back because he needed to talk to you, urgently. He was very…distressed almost angry."

Humphrey sighed deeply. What was going on now? "Has he done something?"

"I don't think so. He merely asked…there was no indication… I mean he has been very quiet all day and told me to cancel his appointment but nothing more." There was a pause "I must insist that you come with me. The Minister was very vehement…he even told me that if you didn't come he would find a way of blocking your future honours..."

"What?" Humphrey looked up.

"Yes…that's how serious it is."

Humphrey scratched his head and ended up by agreeing to the Minister's conditions and followed Bernard to the taxi he had told to wait. Inside, his boss asked him again if he knew the reasons that could justify this odd behaviour from the Minister but the poor Principal Secretary wasn't able to give him any satisfactory answer. It was a short trip though it had started to rain and traffic became more dense.

 

Inside the House of Commons they were forced to wait for the session to end. Bill Pritchard met them in the Royal Gallery. "Ah Sir Humphrey! The minister wishes to speak with you. He says that you should go to the House of Commons Library since all the other places are crowded…the Lords also met today."

This was getting more and more strange. But even so, the Permanent Secretary agreed and headed to the library. He had only been there once or twice and when confronted with all these books he couldn't help but explore a little, forgetting for instance the reason he was there. Until a voice brought him back.

"Humphrey."

He whirled to see the Minister standing there. They hadn't seen each other that day and the man looked awfully tired. Humphrey frowned and approached, "Hello Minister…" he started cautious. "How are you today?"

"I called you here because I needed to talk to you urgently." Jim didn't want to lose time with pleasantries.

"Is something the matter, Minister?" Humphrey asked, worry starting to prick his mind.

"You're the one who's going to tell me that."

Hacker's deadly serious and calm voice made Humphrey weary. He had seen the Minister angry, exasperated, scared, desperate. But he had never seen him like this. He sounded angry but disappointed at the same time. Almost sad.

"Pardon me?"

Hacker diverted his gaze to the floor and approached Humphrey. They were very close now. Jim could feel Humphrey's musky aftershave or whatever he wore that made him smell so good. "Several months ago, when that ghastly business of the death list came about…do you remember?"

"Certainly, Minister," Humphrey answered not knowing why Hacker had decided to bring this up again. "Why?"

"You mentioned a…terrorist group…a freedom army something like that."

"Yes."

"Was it true?" Jim decided to ask bluntly.

"What was true?"

"If it was true that I was on a death list."

Humphrey frown deepened. "Why wouldn't it be true?"

"Because the truth Humphrey was that I ended up by backing down on the precise issue you wanted me to back down. And this was after I knew I was on a death list. Actually, as you well remember, you only told me I was on a death list after I told you about my plans. So tell me…"

"You cannot be suggesting what I think…" Humphrey whispered astounded.

"I am."

They faced each other, eyes into eyes, furiously.

"Minister, you cannot seriously be thinking…"

"Don't you dare you round the question!" Hacker growled and he took Sir Humphrey's arm, jerking it. "You have done your utmost, and unfortunately succeeded, to never answer my questions but you're going to do it now, or I will punch you in the face!" Humphrey didn't know whether to laugh in his face or not. The man was purely out of control. "Look me in the eyes and tell me the truth. Was it or was it not the death list an excuse you arranged to make me change my mind? Did you or did not made me believe that my life was in danger for the sake of one of your schemes?"

Humphrey now felt no need to laugh. "Minister…"

"Answer me!"

And Hacker placed his face right in front of Humphrey's staring at his eyes deeply as if he wanted to see the lies and secrets hidden there.

The other man sighed deeply. "I…must admit that while a Minister's life is never out of danger as you know…"

"Don't stall…"

Humphrey's lips became a thin line. "There may have been some exaggeration on my part as to the gravity of the threat to your life." He uttered quietly.

 "What does that mean? I want to hear it." Came Hacker's whisper.

Humphrey gathered up his courage and summoned up all the indifference he could muster so as to show the Minister that he wasn't at all frightened by the consequences of this confession. Even if it was an act. "It was not true. There was never a threat."

There was an awful heavy silence between them. Jim finally let go of his Permanent Secretary's arm which would sure be bruised the next morning. Humphrey's eyes had now left his and were fixed on the floor. The silence prolonged itself for several seconds and only the rain could be heard against the windows. Humphrey started to feel something in the pit of his chest.

Guilt. He hadn't felt guilty in years, probably. But he felt it now. Only now after realizing how damaging had all that nonsense been to the Minister personally. He hadn't given much of a thought even because it was government practice…it had been done before. Only he had never understood that well…it was a vain threat, but still was a threat. "Minister…" He started with the softer tone Jim had ever heard him use. "I am truly sorry."

"I don't want to hear it Humphrey. You are lucky indeed that I cannot fire you. Because if I could…and if I didn't know that you would be protected by every single civil servant on Whitehall I swear I would spent a great part of my future trying to get you fired."

And with this Hacker turned his back to him and headed quickly towards the door. Humphrey stood numb for several seconds but then decided otherwise and practically ran towards his supposed master. "Minister please…" And with this he managed to get hold of Hacker's wrist. "James…"

Hacker stopped dead in his tracks. No one ever called him James. Not ever since his father had died. He guessed Humphrey didn't feel comfortable enough calling him Jim but wanted to imprint some familiarity in the moment. He turned to face him again.

"I know your opinion of me." Humphrey started to say making an effort to be short and concise. "You think I'm a cynic, that I am a man with no morals…you may be right…in some ways at least." He conceded. "But I see now, and I say this without irony or cynicism, that I was wrong in acting the way I did."

Humphrey made an effort to look the Minister in the eyes with all the frankness he could show. "I was wrong in playing with your life in such manner…and I'm sorry for making you feel…so afraid. And I hope you can find it in you to forgive me…eventually."

Hacker didn't answer and Humphrey ended by letting go of his wrist. When he continued this silence treatment, the Permanent secretary nodded understanding and prepared to leave. Jim's mind however had stopped functioning. There was something deep buried inside him that was about to erupt. Just as he had realized that Humphrey was actually being sincere, that somewhere, somehow, the man really regretted his actions.

And so, just like that, Sir Humphrey Appleby found himself pinned against one of the shelves. And before he could breathe a word, if not only to ask what was the Minister doing, he felt a pair of hot lips upon his. For a moment, a fraction of second, he froze in shock. His brain didn't know what to do, how to react. He couldn't even talk and words were his greatest weapon.

But then Hacker's hands found their way to his neck and even though not many people were aware of this, but his neck was Humphrey's weakest spot. And so as if it were simple, the permanent secretary's lips started to move against the Minister's. Slowly but steady, hands on his shirt. The kiss became more intense when Humphrey managed to make Hacker part his lips, which almost immediately earned him a moan. 

They parted after a few minutes, after that extremely erotic sound of a broken kiss. Jim let his forehead lean into Humphrey's. "You can never do this again," Jim whispered. And Humphrey for a moment believed that he was referring to the kiss they had just shared but quickly understood that he was talking about the death list issue. And about how much he had overstepped the boundaries. "You can't, Humphrey."

They were still in each other's arms but the Permanent secretary was amazed by registering how vulnerable the man now sounded. So contrary of what he had been only a few minutes ago.

And he didn't know what to answer. He couldn't even disclose its meaning. So he just nodded not knowing of what he was agreeing to.


End file.
